this beer tastes like vomit already
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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