I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
