6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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