I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
