WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am naked and annoyed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
