Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
