Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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