true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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