I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
