you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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