we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
