Those balls look pretty dangerous.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
