Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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