i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
