My liver just broke up with me...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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