tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
