Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
