You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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