I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
