im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
