Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
