Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
