I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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