I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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