It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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