im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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