I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
