do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
