great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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