I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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