I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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