had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
