my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
