apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
