shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
