I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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