I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
