my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
