Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
