It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
