Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just google imaged poop.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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