yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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