Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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