They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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