LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
