Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
