Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
