how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
