Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
