the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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